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Wishful Thinking: Dreaming up the Colonels' season

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By Sam Draut

It’s Back.

Let’s have fun with a twist on fantasy football and dream up a best-case scenario for the football teams in Oldham County.

Since every fan base is entitled to their own drama-filled dream season, the fantasized future for the Colonels, Dragons and Mustangs must be split up. And remember, we usually wake up before the dream is finished, so readers can decide their own ending.

Oldham County

The border war between Oldham County and Henry County signifies the season opener for Friday night football.

Fans arrive early and watch Sean Ralls send the opening kickoff into the end zone. The defense forces a three-and-out and Oldham County takes over near midfield.

On the Colonels’ first play from scrimmage, Parker Caudill tosses a play-action pass downfield to Jalen Moore for a 30-yard reception. Three plays later, Lucas Jones punches in a touchdown to give Oldham County an early lead.

The Colonel student section begins chanting, “We have Gustavo’s!” a slight that burns deeply into Henry County’s student section once they realize they travel to Oldham County for Mexican food.

When he hears about the chants, Gustavo personally delivers free tacos to the student section in the third quarter as the Colonels lead 17-7. Koby Thomas has consecutive sacks early in the fourth quarter, forcing a turnover on downs.

Juan Tapia scampers for a 41-yard touchdown run to put the game out of reach as Oldham County wins its season opener for the first time since 2013.

In the week leading up to the game against rival North Oldham, the Colonel football team spends Zero Hour learning how to tame wild horses, a metaphor Coach Michael Fox uses to prove that the Mustangs can be tamed with technique and toughness.

On the field, Jacob Ratliff continues to make big plays against the rival, returning another interception for a touchdown in the first quarter. With the Colonels’ leading 10-7 late in the first half and North Oldham in the red zone, Deven Cancel shoots up the A-gap and forces a fumble to end the scoring threat.

Led by Ryan Meyer and Nick Blair, the offensive line starts getting good push up front in the second half, opening holes for Lucas Jones. He scores a touchdown midway through the third quarter followed by a rushing score from Parker Caudill to ice the game. It’s the Colonels’ third straight victory over their rival.

Following a win against Collins and shutting out Seneca for the second straight season, Oldham County is set to host rival South Oldham. After being disappointed that the Colonels lost to South Oldham in the Dream Scenario last season, which Sports Editor Sam Draut did purposefully to set up a better Hollywood ending, Coach Fox takes matters into his own hands.

He hires Leonardo Dicaprio and the cast of Inception to infiltrate Draut’s dream subconsciousness and place the idea of a Colonel victory into his mind. It works.

Jalen Moore and Jackson Deckard each catch touchdown passes while Preston Dykes rushes for a score in the first half. Not to be outdone by his older brother, Carson Deckard intercepts a pass in the third quarter.

Oldham County defeats South Oldham for the first time since 2010. Draut is seen playing with a spinning top for the entirety of the fourth quarter.

Parker Caudill and Tyler Barnes each throw two touchdown passes in Oldham County’s victory over Nelson County. Needing to prove to the signal callers that he is still a better thrower of the football after the game, Quarterbacks Coach James French places five targets on the field, nailing all of them to the surprise of Caudill and Barnes.

Sensing a big performance against Bullitt East, Lucas Jones asks Athletic Director David Letendre to build a stage and podium for postgame press conferences. Jones gives credit to linemen Reagan Ray and Jakob Mutchler following a 200-yard, two-touchdown performance.

Seeking their eighth win of the season on the road, Oldham County starts slow against the J’Town Chargers, but a forced fumble by Jacob Kehoe gets the offense going. Wilson Tinnell rushes for a touchdown and Tyler Holvey hauls in a catch for a score as Oldham County leads 14-0 at halftime.

As the Colonels warm up before the second half, Charger fans release several horses onto the field in hopes of intimidating the visitors. With prior horse riding experiencing from earlier in the fall, the Colonels have no problem corralling, mounting and riding the horses around the field. Oldham County rides the momentum into the second half and wins easily.

Oldham County heads into the playoffs with eight wins.