Once Upon a Time in Oldham County

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By Sam Draut

 Scene 1

[Sun setting in the summer evening, pan to the front of Oldham County High School]

(Coach Fox taking down a mural of himself painted by the French Class, two cars park, Coach Reed and Coach Gamsky step out of the cars)

Coach Fox (shakes head): “I don’t know how we can make this work.”

Coach Gamsky: “It’s a chance at a state championship.”

Coach Reed: “The triple-option is the easiest offense to teach, just plug-in and play.”

Coach Gamsky: “And we all know, only three things can happen when you throw the football, and two of them are bad.”

(Cuts to black)

[Aerial shot of Oldham County]

Narration by Morgan Freeman: “What if I told you, three rivals became one team, that one county could win a state championship, that some records are made to be broken, that you didn’t need Kevin Durant to make a super team…County Strong, the story of Oldham Academy.”

Scene 2

[Court Room]

(Athletic Directors Alan Yanke, David Letendre and Joe Ritchie seated below the Judge’s bench. Mitchell Irvin, wearing judge’s robes, seated in judge’s chair)

Judge Irvin (speaking to the crowded court room): “In order to maintain the sanity of sports editor Sam Draut,” (camera pans to Draut in handcuffs made from newspaper pages), “the court has ruled to approve the merger of South Oldham, North Oldham and Oldham County football teams, which will now be known as Oldham Academy.”

(Crowd gasps)

Draut: “Thank you Judge Irvin. Now no one will have to question my commitment to equal and fair coverage.”

Judge Irvin: “You are still required to keep a word count tallying the recognition of student-athletes from their feeder schools.”

Draut: “Am I still on Twitter probation?”

Judge Irvin: “You’re allowed to tweet scores, videos and interviews, but will you please stop with that ‘first time since’ tweet nonsense.”

Draut: “Yes, judge.”

Scene 3

[Practice field]

(Anthony Pierce throwing passes to Hunter Hyden and Tyler Holvey. Blake McAfee discussing route combinations with Parker Caudill and Ethan Bednarczyk)

Bednarczyk: “Combining the talent of all three schools into one team, this roster is loaded.”

Caudill: “The only thing we can think about is a state championship.”

McAfee: “We could beat some college teams.”

(Players finish practice, walk to a buffet line of tacos, chips and salsa from Gustavo’s)

Gustavo (speaking to players): “You’re representing not just your school, but all of Oldham County now.”

Scene 4

(Cuts to ESPN Sportscenter intro)

Scott Van Pelt: “For all you fantasy football players out there, we have some in-depth analysis that can help you win your league this season. Mel, who’s your first overall pick?”

Mel Kiper: “It’s got to be Keaton Martin. He’s going to give you 20 points every week. You want a consistent running back on your roster.”

Todd McShay: “I think you’re overlooking Sam Young, he is a young quarterback that’s going to lead the offense. He is a natural thrower, but he’s going to run some too.”

Stephen A. Smith: “Disrespectful, blasphemous and incredulous. Ben Becerra is a playmaker, he can run the football, he can catch the football, he can return kicks, and not to mention, he’s big-time at safety.”

Scene 5

[Oldham Academy playing against Trinity in Louisville]

(Juan Tapia scores a touchdown with offensive linemen Ryan Groth, Reagan Ray and Garrett Chester providing blocks)

Broadcaster Mike Montgomery: “And Oldham Academy takes a 21-17 lead with three minutes left in the fourth quarter.”

(With six seconds left, Trinity has the ball on the 12-yard-line trailing by four points)

Montgomery: “It’s all coming down to this play.”

(JT Benson times the snap perfectly on a safety blitz, sacking the quarterback to end the game)

Montgomery: “It’s over. Oldham Academy has completed the regular season undefeated.”

Scene 6

[Parade on i-71 in early December]

(Players and coaches ride on floats going five miles per hour, 18-wheel semi-truck trailers being force to stop on the emergency lanes. Football fans crowd the median to wave to Oldham Academy’s team)

Coach Fox: “Who’s going to keep the trophy?”

Coach Reed: “We could alternate weeks with it.”

Coach Gamsky: “Let’s play for it.”

(Parade stops at OCYFL fields. Oldham Academy team is divided by North Oldham, South Oldham and Oldham County. Football game begins to be played in the snow as fans watch. The state championship trophy gets covered in snow, but no one notices while the game is being played)