GINGER: Thank God I didn’t know

As the sun creeps up over the horizon, I watch the two youngest of my five children, sleeping peacefully after a difficult night of illness and unrest. I am exhausted, but it is necessary to get on with my day.
I pause for a moment and think back on my decision to have my tubal reversed.
We already had three beautiful children, but I was fearful of the complications I’d had during pregnancy and chose to have my tubes tied.
 It was a decision I regretted almost immediately.
 A few years later, hubby surprised me with a card shaped like a baby bottle.
The note inside said that he had set aside money to have my tubal reversed. All I needed to do was call the doctor.
It was an amazing gift! But there was so much I didn’t know. So many things I could never have guessed.  
If I had known I would experience pain and infection, I would not have done it.
If I had known that I would hold ultrasound picture after ultrasound picture of babies that I would never meet this side of Heaven, I would not have done it. 
If I had known that I have three clotting disorders that would require daily shots to maintain pregnancies, and that I would actually develop a blood clot while pregnant in a third- world country and separated from my husband due to rioting, I would not have done it. 
If I had known that I would go nearly three years without a full night’s sleep, I would not have done it. 
If I had known that our life was going to suddenly develop into a life of traveling all over the world, and how hard it is to travel with babies, I would not have done it. 
If I had known how many nights I would sit alone at home while my husband sat alone in a hotel because it was just too expensive to take the entire family, I would not have done it. 
If I had known that we would travel to so many wonderful places, but never get to have a quiet dinner, or even get in a decent conversation, because taking two little ones to a foreign country is always a trying time, I would not have done it. 
If I had known how carefree my life could become once my older children reached high school, and how much time I could have devoted to enjoying my husband and pursuing my writing, I would not have done it.
If I had known how many things I wouldn’t get to do with my teenagers because they were impossible to do with toddlers, I would not have done it. 
If I had known how much more difficult it is to have babies, toddlers, preschoolers in my 40s than it was in my 20s, I would not have done it.
  Interrupting my thought process, 3-year-old son raises his tousled blonde head from the pillow he is sharing with his 4-year-old sister.
His fever has broken, and his blue eyes are shining brightly.
“Good morning, mommy!” he says cheerily as he stretches forth his chubby arms for a hug.
I wrap him in my arms, raise my face toward heaven and whisper, “Thank God I didn’t know.”

Ginger Truitt is an author, speaker, and mother of five. Her award winning column appears weekly in Kentucky and Indiana. Contact her at ginger@gingertruitt.com or visit www.gingertruitt.com.